December 2011
1 post
I miss Zambia so much my stomach hurts.
November 2011
1 post
protect me, and reconnect me
September 2011
4 posts
I wish I was a slave to an age old trade, like riding around on railcars and working long days.
your friends grow up and have babies.
Not when I came to die discover that I had not lived.
Believe in me.
Help me believe in anything.
Cause I want to be someone who believes.
July 2011
2 posts
“And [she] sailed back over a year and in and out of weeks and through a day and into the night of his very own room where he found his supper waiting for him and it was still hot.”
hey, why not.
I think I will stop pretending.
June 2011
1 post
Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His lovingkindness is everlasting.
May 2011
3 posts
Leave me out with the waste; this is not what I do.
These Virginia blues.
I am lucky and grateful, but the more I realize that, the more arbitrary it all seems.
April 2011
5 posts
No one really owns anything, not even beliefs; we don’t get to choose.
Nothing stays the same, but if you’re willing to play the game.
“She wonders if you can feel nostalgic for something before it’s in the past, she wonders if perhaps her vocabulary is too small.”
I refuse to be anything but happy.
I wish everyone were trustworthy and kind, and I wish I could stay in the dark.
March 2011
9 posts
Do you think it’s possible to have a healthy disinterest in God? I believe He is good; do I need to believe anything else, anything at all?
Because I do not think I do.
I wanna get back to Zambia, but I know when I got there, I would wanna get back to here.
The part that is just me, that no one can get to.
Incredibly antsy.
Sometimes I get so cold that I think my body is going to split apart.
I’m in a bad mood. Noticing this fact is putting me in a worse mood.
“I never fell in love with you. I just fell.”
A lot of times I feel like people just say things without really knowing what they mean by whatever it is they’ve said. Some words strung together just sound nice. This is probably an example of that.
Or maybe not. I might know what this person means. I can’t quite decide.
“Sometimes I’m terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.”
Today was one of them days in so many good ways.
February 2011
7 posts
The only way to find your life is to lay your own life down,
and I believe it’s an easy price for the life that we have found.
“Hope that is seen is no hope at all.”
I’m not quite sure what I am hoping for, though.
“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.”
-1 John 4:16
I keep reading this simple verse over and over again, trying to make something catch.
The world with you would be colored with goodness and freedom and happiness, I am sure, but the world without you is colored with a different goodness and freedom and happiness, I am equally sure. If we choose the way we live our lives, nothing really makes our lives better, just a different good. We take what we are given and call it good.
“You’re all kinds of beautiful as you end...
Sometimes I find myself feeling like the amount that I want something is in proportion with how likely I am to get it, but what I really think is that the more I want something, the more willing I need to be to give it up.
This is harder than we dreamed, but I believe that’s what the promise is for.
January 2011
11 posts
Just a suggestion: read the Velveteen Rabbit.
If someone willingly reads only one book, I really do think it should be that one.
“When I get a little money, I buy books, and if any is left I buy food.”
I absolutely love my job.
However, I should not work in a bookstore; the location is detrimental to my accumulation of dollars.
And I like C.S. Lewis best in the Chronicles of Narnia:
“When things go wrong, you’ll find they usually go on getting worse for some time; but when things once start to go right they often go on getting better and better.”
I say, “it’s not that simple, see, but then again, it just may be.”
“If you can’t explain it to a six-year-old, you don’t understand it yourself.”
I love that concept. I also think it is true.
I am positively itching to know what’s next. For something. And while I know exactly what I would like that something to be, I would be content with just knowing what it actually is.
“You feel like running but life is on a stroll.”
“I’ll probably be the first to encourage you to get a job and make money…but if the choice is between making good money doing a job you don’t like and getting by doing what you love…well, then, get by doing what you love.”
My dad :)
I worry about never making a difference in the world, always just living “my” life. I do believe we are here to make a difference, that we are not supposed to live for ourselves, and I am afraid of always being caught in “I don’t know what I want to do yet.” How long can I say “yet”?
I do not want to change the whole world because I know I cannot. But I want to do something in...
Sometimes I think about all the good things in my life, how grateful I am for my family, the fact that God is powerful but also good, that I live in this house a short walk from almost anywhere I would want to go, friends who are simply good ones, and then I think about how I still feel discontent sometimes, restless and dissatisfied. This world must not satisfy because if it did, I would be...
I’ve tried to hold many treasures;
they just keep slipping through my fingers like sand.
But there’s one treasure that means more than breath itself,
so I’m clinging to it with everything I am.
December 2010
8 posts
I think, if you read into it a little, this is all that matters:
“Our God in heaven
hallowed be Thy name above all names.
Your kingdom come; Your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread;
forgive us weary sinners.
Keep us far from our vices
and deliver us from these prisons.”
Right after I got home, people kept asking if I missed Africa. I would say that I didn’t yet because I was really happy to be home but figured I would after a little while. I was so happy at home, though, and I had missed the States so much while I was gone that I wondered if it was true.
It is.
“You have put all my sins behind Your back.”
Isaiah 38:17
I get a picture God standing in front of me with both His hands behind his back, but He’s not asking me to take a guess.
Warm on a cold day.
More days will go by.